ep.12 unicorns

hi loves, 

LAST EPISODE of season 1!!!! omg!!! This episode dives into integrating different parts of ourselves, and finding the magic in it all. 

• ep theme song beat: clout
• The Last Unicorn on YT 
• Corona Luv by Zink 

I am cooking up a new season which will start back up in a few weeks. 

any claims made in this season are for entertainment purposes only. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Hello. Hey. Uh yeah. Thanks. And welcome to ninety-six oak street, bitch. Ninety six Oak Street.

SPEAKER_02 0:37

Ninety six Oak Street.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Ninety six Oak Street.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Andy six of street.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

I wanna create a portal where you can feel a mortal. Where you can feel a mortal, where you can feel a mortal. I wanna create a portal.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Hello, hi, my beautiful human, my beautiful being. Welcome to 96 Oak Street. Street where you can find the resources to street out the matrix. A street where you can recover. Sit around, chat a while, enjoy the music, the poetry, and you know, listening to this previous episode about the box office, the archival first episode of Zync. I just really wanted to bring in conversations around integrating parts of myself and what that's felt like, especially hearing archival material where I speak about myself so lovingly and sensationally, erotically, and the integration of both the light and shadow. And in this one particularly, I navigate a couple things. So enjoy this last episode. I'm cooking up a new season. Really excited to share with y'all this journey multi-layered. So if you're listening right now, like you the real one, you like OG OG. Uh and yeah. Thank you. I was listening to one of her interviews with Rolling Stones, and she spoke about her and her friends have this metaphor that they that helps them kind of identify like where their ego's at. Where, you know, you have four four passengers in a car, or in this case, four energies in the car, one of them's fear, one of them spirit, one of them's ego, and one of them's sexuality. And eroticism. And they ask, like, who's driving, you know, who's in the passenger's seat, who's in the backseat. And that just really made me think about how often, yeah, you know, fear is, you know, right in the passenger's seat if not driving. Um, and how valid that is because of the times we're in and the scenarios that are around us. And especially as somebody who often feels like I alchemize bullshit because of growing up in a predominantly white town and you know, perceived as masculine and you know, just like uh the the amount of fear, the vilification, right, of me, especially because I was considered like weird, because I was super artsy, but like quiet, or like didn't know how to like cause that because I would either be too deep or you know, I would always be too deep. Like everybody would be trying to chill and be like onto some deep ass level shit. People are like, what? Or political, or like I don't know, I just would have something to say. Um, and so I started to learn how to not say anything, and you know, it's such a process, especially like I would come out with my writing, would be word, like, or my poetry is when I would feel like my true voice, my spirit was in the driver's seat. And um I noticed like even when I go out right, you know, and walk around, there's some days where yeah, my spirit is driving or in the pasture's seat, and my you know, eroticism, I would even call it beyond sexuality, I would call it eroticism might be driving, or um, you know, my ego and spirit, like having a good ass time in the front, while fear um and eroticism are in the back. But you know, it's really I love the spirit and eroticism when they're together in the front. It's the best one. And um, eroticism really just speaking to being turned on by life, by being activated, and my body is, you know, got goosebumps moving around and you know, different, you know, jitters and you know, not calling things anxiety or paranoia, or but just like, oh, my body is alive and in conversation what's around me. And you know, we live in times where like people are getting information from all types of sources, but they live in the same area, right? So you don't always know what you're walking around in. But um I just have learned a process of like, you know, uh cleansing myself, both literally, physically, spirit um with water and such, but then also spiritually, and uh that's been essential as I've um you know, continued understanding myself as a multidimensional being and somebody who's um really seeking to be in relationship to my, you know, my destiny, you know, and to hold my destiny, like the beautiful grains of sand that it is, and to you know, roll about it and roll about upon it, and you know, touch my feet into the waters of my spirit and you know, drink the sweet nectar of my soul, and and to just know that this is all mine. Mine. And of course, like pass down through ancestors, but like the body, this the world inside of here, like no matter all the beings that leave marks and shapes, like that. This is mine. To the very end, I get to be the god in this body. And um it feels very beautiful. It feels very beautiful. And people are gonna have all the different types of perceptions, judgments, projections, and as a sensitive person, I feel them, bro. You know? And it's all about like recentering myself, bringing myself back to my center. Remembering my power, remembering my ancestors, remembering my spirit team, all these beings that I cannot see. And to know, like I'm a playful ass being, like, I be playing with my mind all the time. Like sometimes I go through instances where I notice my mind is, you know, super peppy and loving and is throwing slight illusions here and there. Andor cosmic signs. Just to like play with me a little bit, and I and I play along and I um am learning not to judge that part of myself as much as I used to. I used to mask a lot. Um and now I've I've been you know, I still mask here and there, but I I've definitely been more conscious of when uh different energies move through me and how they have different patterns in my brain and codes and body feelings, and you know, some of them, some of uh some of the parts of me are I'm really proud of, and some of the parts of me I'm confused. I don't know about confused because I feel like I've done a lot of work to understand many parts of me. But there's some moments where I'm like, okay, you know, like I let that would move through and go go along its way, like, and it's just been so much about not getting too attached to any of them. But spirit you know, like all of them are a part of me, but I don't have to get too attached to like this is who I am and this is what defines me. No. No, but although I really, really, really love my spirit. You know, and she's fully vibrating and feeling safe and loved. And in all the other times they've shown up for me, but anyway, I thought that was really helpful framing. I hope it helped. Thanks, Janelle Mune. Oh, maybe I'll get to meet her one day. Who's that inner child? Who's that inner child? Who's that inner child? Who's that inner child? Who's that inner child? Who's that inner child? Who's that inner child? Who's that inner child? Coming to you live. About to take well, I was about to say a nap. We're about to go to bed. Um my child and I. And often this is when we have our little chats. He'll do his little babbling, and actually he'll then also identify like you know, nose, eyes, ears. He'll go through that. Yeah. Nose nose. Eyes, yeah. Eyebrow. Where's the ears? Anyway, so today tonight, I just wanted to share with you about parts of ourselves. And you know, I think this conversation's definitely been had, but you know, it just came came through and it felt like something I'd want to share with you. And you know, there's days, right, where we feel happy, where we feel joy, excitement, or, you know, we might then, you know, and those are the feelings that we're told are great and good and to strive for. And then of course we have our feelings that are negative or considered negative, you know, such as sadness or irritation or jealousy. And you know, sometimes I'll judge myself harshly for being in a place that's jealous, or being in a place that's like, you know, just low vibe, negative energy, um, and or not even low vibe, just tired. Because like I feel like there's a difference between being like like low vibe, high frequency, you know what I mean? Trying to keep the frequency up by just having some genuine, you know, self-awareness. Um, but that's the key, is being able to identify what's going on in your body, and know that like you're still in the driver's seat, and these parts of you are your passengers or your backseat drivers, and you know, of course you're gonna have conversations with all of them as you're moving forward, as you're moving, you know, through life. And there'll be times where different beings sit next to you and have your ear. And I like to think about that sometimes when I feel very judgmental of where my emotions are, especially when I've been in such a good place, you know, and there's times where I'm like, you know, it's I think you could utilize this energy to like create something because sometimes I'll like feel the bad the negative energy or the negative feelings or whatever, and um like you know, scroll or zone out on a screen in some way, and and what's interesting is that I learned that the ocean has a negative charge, so actually, when I have and I'm a positive charge, and so actually when I go to the river side or the ocean side of the book the beach, Mama Ocean takes that extra charge I have that makes me maybe anxious, you know, and dispels it. And that being the positive of the negative in a way, like that there being a necessary reason why we have negative emotions, they're meant and can be grounding. Grief can be very grounding when you allow yourself to grieve something that maybe initially we feel angry about, but there's a hurt in there, there's an inner child in there, teenager or young adult, whoever it was, that's in there feeling it type of way, you know. And so then I remember like if I put my back on it against a tree or go into the ocean, like I receive the balance in my body. In my even my chakras, which I hope y'all look into. I know it sounds woo-woo, but it's a cool way of looking at our energy bundles in our body and how they're impacted by more than we realize, and that includes our diet, but you know, mmm. Get you that electro, elect you know, those electric diet that diets, the ones with the with the fruits and the veggies, and like that yummy ass. Because I'm still a carnivore low-key, so I'ma give me that cat that beef, okay. I'ma get me that steak, okay. Uh lovingly, I love that, you know, to lovingly honor the food, all of the abundance that the divine offers us in this lifetime, and the ways we can experience our bodies. So, yes, much love. Um you know, I judge myself harshly for it, and I have in the past, but now I'm actually learning how to like watch my thoughts and watch myself, you know, move through an emotion, move through a thought. Um, and I immediately like sometimes after the moment will give myself little pointers, you know, on things I can do differently. Um, and sometimes I'll then listen to that, and then other times I won't. And I think, you know, like especially right now, the big theme for me is learning how to pause instead of immediately react, especially if he does something that really bothers me. I have to just learn, and I am learning how to pause rather than be reactive, um and yell or whatever that you know it might be, and so just to learn how to have that pause, but that requires reflection and it requires you know me almost not competing with myself, but me like trying to be the best version of myself because I'm watching kind of vibe, right? And so, you know, keep on driving, and when you feel like a certain feeling or you know, mindset is overpowering, just I think for me it's a lot of regrounding myself, feeling my body, moving my body, getting out of my head is what kind of snaps me out of those really like low places, oppressive places that drag me under, and I know I deserve to bask in all of the beautiful resources I have available to me, and how you know rich I am in what I'm able to access and just reminding myself every time that I remember, uh, so that I never take this shit for granted, even if I'm in a shitty mood, right? So I hope that's helpful, and as always, we're sending you love, and I hope um yeah, that don't be too hard on yourself. Oh my gosh, so I found this old uh movie on YouTube, and I'm gonna look up what it's called right now, but it's about a unicorn. I think it's called The Last Unicorn. And it's made in like what is it? 1982. And um, I don't love movies that have language around the last or the only, or you know, this kind of like it always feels a bit fear-mongering. But I love that the movie starts off with that understanding of her saying unicorns, there's never one left of us. There's no one last unicorn, we are immortal. Um, and I just love that because you know, she was responding to a man saying, you know, something, something, you are the last unicorn. And this man looked like a, you know, um, like a gnome or something. Anyway, um and he chilling out with Robin Hood and shit. Yeah, it was late. I'm like, okay. And then there's this like story being woven that I'm really curious about, um, and about this like Red Bull, which you know gives the vibes of the devs, you know, and um but this one piece that I wanted to share with you especially that shook me was how in this movie, and again, spoiler alert, so if you don't want to spoil it, watch it, stop pauses and watch it and then come back, um or don't and um she turns into a human to get away from this bull because the bull is looking for unicorns to bring to this evil king who's obsessed with the unicorns and killing them. And um when she turns into a human, she says this wild thing that like I was like wow. She cannot like she like she's like they're like crying for her because they're like you know fuck like she literally turned into a human, like being human is so fucking rough, pretty much. They're like crying for her, and she like she like looks around and she's like, Oh my god, I can feel my body dying all around me. She said, I can feel my body dying all around me. If that ain't a bar, I don't know what the fuck is. If that ain't a bar, I don't know what the fuck is. What I feel my body. Dying all around me. That's what she said as a being. Um being in an immortal form to being in a form where I I imagine she still has her more immortality, but she's in flesh. Um or she's in yeah, like a well, I think I'll learn more about what that actually means, but I couldn't even wait. I couldn't even wait to the end of the movie to like say something to y'all because that like I just want to get the first impression of whoa. And I don't know if it makes sense with y'all for y'all because you haven't seen the movie yet. But if you think about being in a body that's immortal, that has this magical essence to it, you have a horn, you know your power, and then you turn into a human. And apparently, man, like men can't see unicorns, only women can. Or if you know, people with uteruses, femmes. Like, I think the story can, you know, be the true depth because I really do believe in these magical beings. I've always believed in unicorns and fairies and gnomes and mysterious beings in the forest and mountains and rivers and seas. And I I I truly believe that there's so much we don't see, so much we don't comprehend, and I also see a lot of grace in that. I see a lot of um love as well in how this dimension um in so many ways can and does try and work with the beings. Like I think being present with the land, being present with your space. There's doors that open, doors that close, and if you can understand and listen to the to that and and not push a door open, you know, forcefully and and really being listening to what's around you on your land. Um on our land. Um both animal, human, kin beings of this earth. Beings of this galaxy, beings I don't see, beings I see. Um what I love about the unicorn is she centers on love. Like she they center on love. And I think that's one of my guiding compasses, and the g the fact that I know what love feels like in this body of mine, what true love feels like in this body. Because I really think we all experience it differently. Love, this thing called love. I've also been thinking a lot about hope and how for so many people hope has been a very painful feeling. But they're all gifts that you know, these feelings we have. You know, the fact that our children they grow up and they experience certain emotions for the first time. They experience love, they experience what it means to be loved by you first. And that shapes their entire framing of love for so long. I mean, there's always a time for them to break into and pull apart and unwind stories that have confined them about your particular expression and definition of love within the home. Y'all ever have that moment where like your fears just keep walking up to you and they're like, but this. And then the next one's like, but this. And then you just chillin' for a little bit, and the next one's like, but this. Hi y'all. Um just uh chillin'. I'm just wanting to share this thought around like I really connecting with my present self for a minute, and um you know, when you're figuring out a decision and you're just like, I wonder what my future self is gonna think of me in this moment. Um, you know, like before a choice where you kind of feel on top of the world. Um but then after the decision, it's like uh lose lose. And once you win it's character development, like nah, let me stop. I'm trying to make light of it, but yeah, so it's just really interesting, you know. I wanted to take a moment just to talk to my future self here. So if y'all want to just yeah, listen in, um, try not to judge too much uh and know that yeah, this is coming from a genuine place of love and curiosity. Um but as my present self, just thinking through how I'd like to be beholding myself in the future, and I just want to remind you, future self, that I know it might be really hard right now, or maybe it's not, maybe it feels lighter than you ever expected, but you know, just know that um I love you. Whatever you decide. And just remember that we've always centered in a place of listening to our highest self, listening to our Ori Aloa, and know that up there within me is a being who is here to learn, here to challenge, here to honor our lineage, here to um move with the times. And listen. That's the biggest piece. Um And we're listening because in listening we've found a type of peace that no person, no entity is allowed to mishandle or objectify. And all that does may return to sender. I am done protecting protecting people who are committed to misunderstanding me. I'm done protecting beings who speak on my name like trash. Like something to be thrown away. Um, I am letting go of the incessant need to please those around me to try and orient their picture of who I am and to allow my my actions to speak louder than my words because my boundaries and my sense of self is necessary, like to move with the now and not have an overall plan or certainty of what this means or that means or what that's gonna become or this becomes, and just remember that you know, today in this hour, we are building our craft, and we're doing it lovingly, and we're doing it in a way that nourishes us, and we hope that this journey that we're on is inspiring other people, beings to reclaim their bodies, their minds, their hearts and souls. And to like really have the space and time to rest enough to even genuinely begin, let on alone, sustain that process. And I think that's what I'm fighting for in this world is for more beings on this planet to know what it means to rest, and know what it means to be your basic needs met, right, you know, and regardless of your family or friend or partner orientation and to equip people with the resources, the access, the ease of getting back on their feet. And, you know, the ways that I hope to uplift this mission um are gonna be really interesting. And yet throughout it, I just pray I remember that I never want the work to be heavier than my heart. And as soon as it becomes too heavy, I need to make structures that allow me to offset its weight from my shoulders, and I pray that I know that time, and I pray that um I pass it along with grace, and I pray that I'm able to pass it along with the hope and the love and the care of creating a seed that I pray that the cosmos, let alone this earth, may look to as a blueprint. And I'm just gonna like love up that like dream of that dream dream of that dream.